Lately suka dengar lagu "Teman Pengganti"..hurm..maybe i am negative thinker. Always think that something bad will happen to me..

 

Honestly, last 2 weeks is the best memory of my life. Yang tak pernah terduga is i will get engage.  :) happy? No one can imagine my feelings when thinking that i'm getting nearer to reach my dream. But then, slowly it feels like everything is not right. Like..everything was not meant for me.

 

I've been trying to note down something about my engagement, my preparation for the big day, how happy i am on that day, but then..everytime i try to write, nothing come out. As if, all this aren't real..am i still dreaming? Hurm..i'm not sure myself.

 

Tonight..i think everything will end here. How i wish i could actually dedicate this song to my fiance..to let him know that i'm leaving..and never return. I really want to go away from everyone..start a new life with new people. Hopefully i can find peace..but, as Syam always said..nowhere we can go to run from problems. Where ever we are, there always problem, because problem is a test to us. Somehow, i know he is right..and he always right. Hahaha..i miss him. The only man on earth who would always give good advise. :-)

 

That's us..i really look so happy rite? Yeah..i am happier than any days in my life. It was great ceremony..alhamdulillah, everything went so well. Better than i expected..even it was a simple ceremony but still a great one.

I thought things would be better from that day onwards, but perhaps my negative thinking ruin everything. I never believe someone can really love me like Syam did. Someone who can accept me as i am..truly i doubt my fiance able to do that. Also, i doubt Allah will allow me to have this happiness. I believe everything have it's price..and for this happiness, He make me pay the price i'm paying now.

At one time i feel fine..as Kak Zu said, i am a tough person..i can face anything. But, she forgot one thing..i'm also human. Doesn't matter how tough and patient i am..i still fragile. My fiance might not be the best for me..he cannot replace Syam or even Kak Zu, but probably i'm not a good person myself. So, we belong together. Yeah, Allah already guarantee a good woman for a good man..so..

Just pray that Allah have give me the best man for me. InsyaAllah..i know He never cruel to His servants.

"Ya Allah, please be gentle on testing me..give me patience and guide me throughout this life. I accept whatever fate you decide for me, which i understand is the best for me, in order to be your faithful servants. If he is the one for me, please guide us to build a family that you blessed..ameen"

For you readers, here are song that i'm listening while writing this blog. enjoy it and thanks for reading..

Teman Pengganti - Malique featuring Black

Ketawa bersama
Menangis bersama
Ku bersumpah harap kita
Mati pun bersama
Sejak dua menjak ini
Makin kerap ku diganggu visi
Bila celik, juga bila mimpi
Aku nampak kau, tapi bukan aku yang di sisi
Dia membelaimu dengan izin dan permisi
Sentuhan katanya semuanya kau iakan
Sentuhan jari kau diamkan dan biarkan
Aku redha walau tidak ku damba
Walau hampa semuanya dah dijangka

Beberapa purnama dulu cinta bertahta
Kenangan dibina kita indah belaka
Ketawa bersama, menangis bersama
Ku bersumpah harap kita mati pun bersama
Namun hakikatnya, bukan mudah
Aku sembunyikan gulana-gundah
Segalanya kan berubah
Dengarkan apa yang ku mahu luah

* Rahsia ini
Telah lama ku pendamkan
Tiba masanya
Segala-galanya
Ku ceritakan
Aku kan pergi
Pergi ku tak akan kembaliTiba masanya kau cari teman pengganti

Dalam dunia yang maya, prejudis dan bias
Kita tak terlepas dari terkena tempias
Rimas, ditindas, sembunyi dalam puisi dan kias
Tidak kau bidas, tak berpaling walau sekilas
Hanya kau yang tahu kodeksku yang kompleks
Dalam disleksia cuba kekal dalam konteks
Bila dunia seolah tak memahami
Kau sudi selami, dalami dan mengalami
Setia mendengar, sentiasa hadir
Ingat setiap ulangtahun, setiap hari lahir
Tiba pagi Syawal, kaulah yang terawal
Syawal yang terakhir ini pasti rasa janggal
70 000 hijab harus ku singkap
Ku sorok kitab balik tingkap penjara hinggap
Dalam diam ada, seorang yang ku puja
Kau teristimewa tapi dia yang sempurna

Ulang *

Sejak dua menjak ini, ku mencari fungsi kewujudan
Dalam persekitaran yang penuh kejumudan
Terperangkap dalam jasad, ku keliru
Mujur ada kau si peneutralisasi pilu
Namun aku tetap murung, berkurung
Tubuh makin susut, menunggu tarikh luput
Komplikasi di halaman rusuk kiri
Makin sukar nak bernafas, nak bergerak, nak berdiri
Lagu ini yang terakhir aku sajikan
Kalau rindu nanti bolehlah kau nyanyikan
Jaga diri, jangan makan hati
Yang patah kan tumbuh, yang hilang kan berganti
Bilik dah ku kemas, katil dah ku rapi
Cincin, kunci, dompet dalam laci
Ada sikit wang, itu saja baki
Moga-moga cukup untuk majlis itu nanti

Aku kan pergi

Bertemu kekasih abadi

Tiba masanya

Kau cari teman pengganti